


this red string that connects us is my only reason for living (i'm sorry i never said this before)

by adorechan



Series: loving you has consequences (that i'm willing to take) [4]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kim Mingyu is Whipped, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Reincarnation, Soul Bond, Still cant tag, Suicide, excessive italics bc i like using them, lov that tag sm, lov this ship sm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-08 00:45:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17376308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorechan/pseuds/adorechan
Summary: "do you believe in being born again?""being born again?""being born again as someone else!""i don't believe in such nonsense, gyu.""even if i were to die, i would definitely be born again just to see you once more. so let's see each other one more time. okay,jihoonie?"-jihoon was never good at feelings, especially when it came to mingyu. he wishes he could go back and do everything over again just to see mingyu in this lifetime just one more time.





	this red string that connects us is my only reason for living (i'm sorry i never said this before)

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by our let it be
> 
> Lyrics: 
> 
> If someday there's a way for us to be born again,   
> Please don't let this string break, for the sake of us,   
> A long red thread that we tightly wound around our pinkies   
> So when we're far apart, I'll know where to start looking for you. 
> 
> Lantern lit festivals and candy apples,   
> Rainbows spanned across the sky, the days passing by...
> 
> This broken heart of mine will someday deny everything you were,   
> When you left you took the light, so this red string will be my guide.   
> And so even though you are gone, this red string hasn't yet come undone,   
> So this means there will come a day when you come back to sweep me away, for sure. 
> 
> Well if fate had allowed the two of us to grow into adults,   
>  We would save the world, rid it of all sorrows and faults.   
> We would protect the earth and I swear I'd protect you too,   
> So come along and let's explore the monster's den. 
> 
> But the truth is I'm not as brave as you had thought.   
> I was scared and I wanted to know that I wasn't alone. 
> 
> If tomorrow's clear as well, we'll go climbing down the mountains side,   
> And we'll build a secret place just for the two of us to hide. You say,  
> "What if it happens to rain?" Then instead we can go and play an in-door game.   
> Please don't leave me quite yet, "These fun times should never have had to end,"   
> Is my wish.
> 
> The antagonist we'd hate,   
> And the one who ran away  
> Who we swore to never be   
> Was me. 
> 
> I, so selfishly, lied and easily   
> You always believed.
> 
> And now here you lay holding a bouquet,   
> With your eyes closed like you may be   
> So peacefully, so innocently, so tranquilly asleep.  
> Surely you were.   
> This broken heart of mine will someday deny everything you were,   
> But before you're completely gone, before you must completely disappear,   
> Well, so even though you are gone, this red string hasn't yet come undone,   
> So this means there will come a day when you come back to sweep me away, for sure. 
> 
> For sure!

_"if we get born again, i would want to see you in that lifetime too, minggu!"_

_"let's tie this string around our pinkies so we can, jihoonie. it'll help us see each other!"_

_"make sure to tie it nice and tight so it will come true."_

_"of course."_

jihoon wakes up gasping for breath, shaking with tears threatening to leak out of his eyes. he rubs his face roughly, willing himself not to cry.  _mingyu's watching,_ he reminds himself. he steps out of bed, almost falling because of the blankets getting tangled around his legs. he catches himself on the bedside table, hissing in pain as his elbow smashes against the side.

 _it's what he deserves,_ he thinks to himself, _for not loving mingyu the way he should have._

-

_they had tied the string when there were five, innocent and young children. years passed and the string had never come undone, never loosened yet with each passing day it kept tightening and tightening. jihoon was 15, and pushing away the only person he loved. mingyu. he knew the string was because of him but he would never admit it, and would just let it keep on tightening until his pinky finger was cut off._

_he deserved it for hurting mingyu. the taller boy should have never had made him that promise all those years ago, he was a horrible person and soulmate. how could he admit his love to someone who he had pushed away and hurt so much?_

_he sighed, his hand tightening it's grip around his pencil and he hurried to scribble down some answers on his math test._

_~_

_mingyu didn't know what he was doing wrong. he didn't understand why jihoon wouldn't hang out with him at all or why the older boy kept pushing him away even after the promise they made. was it because jihoon no longer loved him as he once did? did mingyu do something to make jihoon angry? why couldn't he figure it out?_

_oh! it was because mingyu was a stupid, clumsy, clingy person who jihoon would never love. why did he get his hopes up?_

_yet, this thought kept lingering in the back of his head; what did their promise all those years ago mean to jihoon?_

_-_

jihoon rubs his elbow, heading into the bathroom to get ready for the day. he had to help soonyoung at the dance studio today because chan had gotten sick. he didn't want to, it had been a while since he had last been. the last time he went, was with mingyu. when the younger boy was still alive.

jihoon roughly undresses, and turns on the shower, staring at himself in the mirror that's slowly fogging up.  _where did i go wrong,_ he thinks,  _when did i become such an asshole?_  

he turns away from the mirror and hops into the shower. a sigh of relief escaping him as he steps in and hot water falls over him. it turns his milky white skin a bright red but it feels like nothing to him. just the slightest of warmth, he gets a lot colder now that his soulmate is gone.

he stares down at the white flooring in the tub, bringing his hand towards his face. to everyone else, it looked like a normal hand, with noting attached or wrong with it. but to him, it had a long red ribbon tied around his pinky finger tightly and expanding toward seemingly nowhere. it floats around on its own like its being guided by the wind but he knows its because no one is connected on the other side anymore. the ribbon has a mind of its own.

he drops his hand back to his side, standing in the hot water. 

just thinking about when everything went wrong.

-

_"minggu, minggu! c'mon i wanna play heroes and villains!"_

_"i-i don't have to be the villain, right?"_

_"we'll pretend this tree is the villain. just don't hit it too hard."_

_five year old mingyu nods, meekly. he watches as jihoon grabs a stray stick from the forest floor and begins hitting the tree, yelling things like "take that!" or "we've got you now!" he giggles, watching his friend and picks up a stick of his own. he too begins hitting the treat, shouting silly phrases._

_the two boys play heroes and villains the whole day until their mothers call them back home for dinner._

_"w-wow. that was so much fun, jihoonie." mingyu speaks up as they make their trek home._

_"i know, right!? when we get older we'll be a crime fighting duo! we'll be called... jihoonie and minggu!" jihoon giggles as he talks._

_"hm.. i like that,_

_jihoonie and minggu."_

_-_

jihoon punches the shower wall, the impact shaking some of the shampoo and soap bottle and making them fall onto the slippery, wet shower floor. 

"why," he whispers, "am i remembering this all now?"

"stop it," he says, his volume increasing, "i don't want to remember!"

"i don't want to remember! just, just let me be!" he shouts, raising his head to the ceiling.

**"LEAVE ME ALONE!"**

_-_

_"leave me alone, mingyu. you're so bothersome." jihoon says, staring blankly at the floor. he was afraid to look up and see the hurt in mingyu's eyes._

_"jihoonie-"_

_"don't call me that. we aren't friends."_

_"jihoon, w-why are you acting like this!? please!? i just want my best friend back!"_

_"shut up, already. i'm leaving." he picks up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and walks off. he risks it, taking one look behind him to see mingyu silently crying._

_**good,**_   _he thinks, **i'm not good enough for him anyways.**_

~

_mingyu tightens his grasp on his school bag straps, tears streaming down his face. why is he trying so hard only to be rejected over and over again? he just wants things to go back to how they used to be. he doesn't care if jihoon is angry or makes him sad, he just wants jihoon to be by his side again so they can be 'jihoonie and minggu' again. weren't they going to be the best crime fighting duo there ever was? didn't they promise each other not to run away like some stupid, weak villain?_

_didn't they promise each other that they were going to be best friends forever?_

**_please,_ ** _he prays, **don't let this ribbon break. in the next lifetime it will be different.**_

_he's going to change their fate._

-

jihoon's out of the shower now, eyes looking lifeless as these memories flash through his head. why? why now? after all these years? why is this all coming back to him? he needs to forget, he wants to forget. he has to deny this.

**_stop, make it stop. no, please, no. i don't want to remember. i don't want to be weak again like how i used to be. let me be strong, for mingyu._ **

**LET THE LIGHT COME BACK INTO MY LIFE.**

_\- (TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE)_

_he stares down at the ground from the school roof top. the wind is strong and it slaps his hair and clothes around. his school bag is sat neatly next to him, a letter for jihoon safely inside._

_there is a small step to take before he's on the edge. he takes a deep breath, and steps up. he looks down, seeing no one. school's out._

_he leans forward, falling off the rooftop ledge._

**let me meet jihoon again.**

**let this ribbon guide me once more.**

_~_

_the house phone is called, no one else is home but him and he scrambles downstairs to answer it._

_"hello? lee residence." he says._

_"hello? god, jihoon, darling, is that you?"_

_"yes. mrs kim, are you alright?"_

_"i'm sorry to tell you this, but mingyu, he's dead."_

_the phone drops to the ground and he screams._

- 

"i'm sorry." he sobs, to no one but the air. 

"i'm sorry i was the villain who ran away."

"i'm sorry my broken heart keeps trying to deny everything that happened, everything that you were."

"i'm sorry that i didn't protect you like how i promised myself i would."

"i'm sorry that you never grew to see adulthood."

"i'm sorry that our fun times had to end. i loved them so much."

"i'm sorry, mingyu."

"i'm so fucking sorry."

**"I'M SORRY I NEVER LOVED YOU LIKE I SHOULD HAVE!"**

a cold wind brushes by him, as he lays on his cold floor, naked and exposed. he shivers, opening his eyes and they travel down to his red ribbon which is thrashing around wildly. 

one end is connected to him and the other end is there, next to him. higher than he is like it is attached to someone. a figure flickers in and out of his vision.

it's mingyu.

he sobs harder, watching the figure flicker in and out of existence. it waves, a sheepish smile taking over it's features. it walks closer, the hand with the ribbon tied on resting on his bare shoulder.

he shivers.

it speaks, sounding exactly like mingyu

**_"it's okay, jihoonie. we always have next time."_ **

 

the next day, jihoon is pronounced dead. the cause, hypothermia. 

 


End file.
